The Open Road.

I get it, I really do. New stuff is scary. New things are scary. New routes in our journeys and changes in life are frightening, to say the least. How we react to that fear is defining to how the next leg in the journey goes. Everyone reacts to fear differently. Lots of people don't even admit to being scared. I used to be that guy. I could do anything. I was pretty much invicible. (I still happen to believe that I am, impervious to everything except what ever ends my life, whenever that will be.) But being invincible made me arrogant, made me cocky. I moved from Lubbock to Pineville in 2005, and started leading the youth group. We started out as Project: Revolution, and there were nights that it was just me and two or three young people, but our ranks eventually swelled to 20-25 at times. It was scary to leave Lubbock, my home and family and everything I had known up to that point in my life, but I was 25 years old. I knew everything, (still do sometimes) and nothing could touch me. Fast forward to now, I am 34 years old, I am 5 years into my law enforcement career, and I have stepped away from youth ministry and toward.....who knows what. It's the first time in my life that I am not deeply involved in or in charge of a ministry. What I am headed to is unknown. 

Novels have been written about the adventure to the unknown. Songs have been sung and movies filmed. It's very romanticized. In reality, even with my cloak of invincibility, it's scary as all get out. When Jess and I made the decision, it was after much prayer and conversation. Conversation with each other, with our parents and our leaders, our pastors. Late night coffees and observations, and in the end, I was literally okay with both staying and fighting, or stepping back for a refocusing, a refreshing. So when the confirmation did come that this particular season of ministry was over, that I was to step away from the ministry, I was able to move forward with some confidence. I met with Pastor Nathan, and told him about the decision and it wasn't easy. See, I thought that since this decision was one that God led me to, it, and everything it entailed, would be easy. It wasn't. That meeting wasn't easy. Telling the youth group wasn't easy. And this past Sunday, which was my first as the ex-youth pastor of Christian Challenge, well, it wasn't easy either. It was hard. Any and all certainty that I might have had walking into Pastor Nathans office was gone before I even got up off the couch. I was looking out over a vast horizon, and it was doing nothing but staring right back at me. 

There will be bumps and bruises. It will not be easy. I thought because God chose the path for me that those things would not apply, but my thought process is being change to think that maybe those things are true BECAUSE God chose the path for me. Comfort never sharpened a blade. Mediocrity never slayed the dragon.

  Jeremiah 29:11 (NASB)

  11 For I know the plans that I [a]have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.

This is a journal I plan on keeping through this portion of the journey. Feel free to comment, or not. Either way.